Beloved Hollywood director Rob Reiner and photographer Michele Singer Reiner were found dead inside their Los Angeles home on Dec. 14the killings sending shockwaves through Hollywood — and even so as their son Nick Reiner was charged with their murders.

Nick, 32, has a long history of drug addictionwhich has made headlines in the wake of his parents’ deaths. In a 2016 interview with PEOPLEhe spoke about his lengthy battle with substance abuse, which began in his early teens and eventually led to him living on the streets. During that interview, Nick said he had, at that point, been to rehab 18 times.

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Of course, obstacles to addiction treatment and recovery are varied and vast, starting with the staggering cost. According to the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, the average cost for individual rehab treatment in California is $56, 654 — but depending on the facility and the length of stay, the actual cost can spike into the millions — an option for wealthy families like the Reiners but few others.

Mental illness also often complicates addiction issues and requires separate treatment. Nick’s alleged mental health issues have been widely speculated upon, but a Reiner family spokesperson has not confirmed any diagnoses.

What is unquestionable is that like millions of other anguished parents, Rob and Michele struggled with how to help their troubled son.

In aLos Angeles Timesinterview, Rob and Michele shared a regret they had about how they attempted to deal with his addiction issues.

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Traditional rehab programs work “ for some people, but it can’t work for everybody,” Rob said at the time. “When Nick would tell us that it wasn’t working for him, we wouldn’t listen. We were desperate, and because the people had diplomas on their wall, we listened to them when we should have been listening to our son.”

Even with extraordinary resources, privilege and a deeply involved and connected family, over the past decade, Nick’s addiction got worse. It was “far, far out of his parents’ control,” an insider told PEOPLE. As another close source said“they could never reach stability with Nick. They tried everything — giving him space, keeping him close — but his struggles are so deep. It’s just a parent’s worst nightmare.”

It’s a nightmare echoed in many homes as parents try to help their children who battle addiction.

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“Parents who are dealing with this issue often become paralyzed or bogged down by their guilt, shame and their fear and grief around seeing their child go through this,” Heather Hugelmeyer, LCSW, senior director, behavioral health, addiction services at Northwell Health’s Zucker Hillside Hospital and South Oaks Hospital in New York, tells PEOPLE. “We’re talking about young adults and adults, but it’s still your child. Even if they’re 30, it’s still your child.” (Hugelmeyer is not connected to Nick Reiner or his treatment or case.)

There is no universal guidance about what parents should do to help their kids, says Hugelmeyer, since every case of addiction is different. There’s not a one-size-all fits answer and families must come to their own decisions about what works best.

But she does have a message for families who are feeling heightened anxiety around the Reiner murders: “You may need to step back, stop reading, detach a little bit, because you’re going to find yourself potentially just increasing that fear.”

As far as taking action, “The number one thing that is really important is to get some level of support,” Hugelmeyer says, sharing that it can be through an Al-Anon family group or another type of professional treatment.

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“It’s helpful to be able to see, hear, and learn from the experience of others who have been walking this path. It helps to provide some hope that things can get better, that things can change, and that parents can take the steps to change the way they communicate to improve their interaction with their loved one.”

She shares that while it may be easy to think that the onus is on the addict “to take care of their issue and their problem,” addiction “really is a family-related illness.”

And, she adds, “There’s not an easy fix-all; these are illnesses that are chronic, lifelong illnesses.”

She advises parents to look out for “a history of escalating aggressive behavior,” such as a child losing their temper at home and breaking things, or punching walls. “That doesn’t mean that they’re actually going to hurt another person,” but it’s important to be aware, Hugelmeyer says.

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“Your safety as a family member is really important,” she advises. “If you think that person is in imminent danger of hurting themselves or somebody else, you should call 911.”

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For family members who, like the Reiners, feel like they’ve tried everything, Hugelmeyer encourages them to “stay with a support system so that you can lean on others, learn how to take care of yourself, and be able to set boundaries with that loved one or your child — but be able to do it from a place where it’s kindness and love rather than coming from anger and frustration.”

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“Love and kindness is of a driver of change,” she says. “We can set boundaries and still be supportive and loving to our child.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.